Living With Yourself:
The most important and the most difficult relationship you will ever have, is the relationship with yourself. The standards and values that you set for your self, your “Personal Values”, are what define who you are and how you wish to live your life.
This applies to the personal (loving) relationships as well as relationships at work – meaning people and also the work you do.
Our value systems are far more integral to our everyday life than you may realize. For example:
It’s what drives our decision making.
It’s how our brain registers whether we’re feeling good or feeling uneasy.
Your ‘intuition’ about someone, comes from whether your values are being met or not, resulting in a desire to ‘move towards’ and interact more or ‘away’ and avoid.
And that’s just for starters!
You see, having worked with thousands of individuals over the last twenty+ years in personal conflict resolution and organisational behaviour based workshops for companies like Virgin Blue, Sarina Russo, Shell, Motorola, BHP, BP, IBM even The US Air Force – and countless couples and individuals in one-on-one coaching and through The Happy Test (link) there’s one common thread I’ve seen time and time again…
No matter what your age, religion, background or occupation, if your personal values are not being fulfilled in a partner or relationship, you will be unhappy.
This article serves to explain why personal values are the guiding force behind all of our relationships, and how you can uncover your values and start living your happiest life.
I’m going to start by asking you a question:
Do you know what makes you happy? Now you might answer this question quickly, knowing that running every morning, two holidays a year, Sunday drives with your partner and a bonus every Christmas makes you happy. What you’re really saying is that…. Time for health and exercise, relaxation where you can unwind, quality time with your partner and recognition of hard work is really what makes you happy.
If you’re trying to answer this question and finding it difficult, it’s alright – you’re not alone. Unsurprisingly, a lot of us aren’t sure what makes us happy because we’ve never taken the time to really think about and ask ourselves the right value-based questions. Life has so many different aspects to it, so which one are we talking about?
The trouble we run into this… If you’re unclear or unsure as to what makes you happy – how can you ever achieve it?
- How can you be happy in your life?
- How can your partner make you happy?
- How can your job make you happy?
- How can any relationship make you happy?
You see – it must start with you. You are the common denominator – You are the one that’s always there when you interact with others or something…
For example, if you think being “Genuine” is really important to you, then openness and honesty and truth are part of your Life’s Standards and so trust in a relationship can be high on the agenda. When you are experiencing this it is uplifting and you can feel great.
However when presented with the opposite, you experience the opposite and so suspicion and mistrust, avoiding or distancing yourself become high on the agenda. We can switch so quickly from a high to a low and back again literally in minutes.
So knowing what you desire is the key. Knowing your own standards that you intuitively know are what you are seeking in a relationship.
When you discover your standards and values, you know more about yourself and what you seek and so have a framework to work from in the knowledge that anything less will invariably undermine your own happiness.
The eye-opening “Happy Test” will give you personal results on what framework you seek for developing a loving and lasting relationship.
It takes approximately 7 minutes, you receive your personalised results immediately, and it could be the starting point for you to discuss with your partner why it is you’re feeling a certain way.
After taking The Happy Test followed by some one-on-one coaching, here’s what a client had to say:
“We never understood the real causes of our constant bickering until Des explained and outlined our important individual standards that we had and how we were not having them met. Our perspectives about love were challenged as well as how we both went about expressing our love. We understand now that expressing love our way, doesn’t mean our partner will actually experience love the way we had hoped. Amazing!”
Go here now to take The Happy Test.
Until next time,