Ever caught a glimpse of somebody whilst talking with a friend, turned away and then suddenly your head springs back for a second look and a “wow!”
Our senses process information in a split second. When a person goes ‘looking’ for a new partner or ‘mate’, sight provides massive amounts of information to initially determine if it what we are observing, could be what we are seeking.
So it is a natural process to assess facial or body characteristics, the way they present themselves or the way they dress, first.
However, beauty is only skin deep, and time certainly takes care of that – yet there is a beauty within all of us that age or time can never distinguish.
Ultimately it is this inner beauty that people are really ‘seeking’ when ‘looking’ for a lasting and loving relationship. The difficulty is that you can’t always see these characteristics that lie beneath.
Ironically, and in many cases, people put on ‘masks’ and won’t allow access, because they fear being hurt in some way (again), even though this ability to love is what they seek.
On this basis many only go so far in allowing their true self to be shown, and subsequently ‘shutout’ the ones that in fact love them. This is how Love can appear to be a ‘double edged sword’ – it can create experiences of incredible pleasure and indescribable fear, heartache and pain.
This is one of the reasons why having a relationship with yourself can be so difficult. One part wants one thing yet another part prevents and often sabotages ‘efforts’ it from being achieved. This is what I call Inner Conflict – (We’ll go into more detail on this at a later time).
When people get besotted with the external characteristics of their partner or the life style that is offered, they can succumb to putting up with less than savoury behaviours, behaviours that in their heart they know do not match the things they were initially seeking.
They therefore live a lie at varying levels. Definitely a prelude to unhappiness.
It is therefore important to determine if what you are looking at, is in fact what you are looking for.
The Happy Test can be a step in the right direction, to be reminded (after the ‘honeymoon’ is over), of what the original intention of the relationship was, or to be reminded that what was being sought, has been found and still exists within the relationship.